One of my favorite things from this last year has been talking about my “highs, lows, and anticipations” with some friends of mine. Yes, we were more consistent at times and then sparse at other times but it is a great way of checking in with each other. Anticipations was always the most interesting thing for me, like “what’s next?? Is it great? Does it suck? Give me details!!” But I feel like for the last couple of days I have talked a lot about my highs and lows and now I have sunk into this state of anticipation during my last couple of days here in Slovenia.
I will be honest that I have felt a little guilty of being in this state of anticipation because I think it has at times robbed me of my state of being present, which is something that I preach quite a bit. I feel like I’m at the start of a race and I keep waiting for the gun to fire just so I can start sprinting.
God has been present in my life this summer, I don’t say that to boast, not at all. But it has gotten me so excited and so nervous and..really just making me feel all kinds of emotions that I am kind of torn on what to start on going back to the States. But the most important thing to start on is remembering the promises of God and centering my heart on Him at all times. That His Kingdom is what fulfills me not the tasks or deeds that I feel commissioned to do. Although, God is present in those deeds I feel called to do, those deeds do not fulfill me, God does.
Many of these things include conversations to have, changes to make, and habits to start. I am actually quite excited for them, but the anticipation has just driven me insane. Which is why it is SO necessary for me to center myself on God. That is quite difficult to do when this anticipation of good things just looms over my head. And I’ll be honest, I have not been a good steward of that most of these last couple of days. Probably because this sort of anticipations has not come as strongly in the past.
This is all quite new for me. And exciting.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
James 1:5, ESV
Leaning on His promises even in the midst of good times. Boldly asking to grow in faith and understanding. The verses go on to say that a man without faith is a double minded man should not expect to receive anything. Honestly, how can you expect to get something from something you don’t believe in. Boom. Constantly setting myself on the goal, on God.
For the next couple days I have intern debrief. A time to reflect and learn and lean into God’s understanding. A time to rest. A time to seek the promises of God.
I am praying that during this time God would continue to speak to me and show me the inner workings of my heart. Pieces of my heart that I need to bring to the light and call out. I pray that God would equip me to fight the dark forces and protect others with a shield of faith. I pray that His Holy Spirit would empower to drop everything and follow Him. That He would call my name. Call my name into His promise.
I have used the word “promises” quite a bit on this post. And I don’t regret it. I think it is important to set myself in the mindset that God has promised us a home with Him. So that anticipation should not distract me from those promises.
I had a friend say earlier this week (and I am taking this completely out of context, it is quite funny), “Repent, Believe, and Move On.”
But, that’s what we have to do as believers. It is our job, to repent and believe in Him. To believe in His promises. Without repentance we forget the importance of His grace and mercy. We miss out on one of the most beautiful parts of God’s goodness. It takes humility to repent but it is not impossible. It is necessary. Repenting is an active part of being a believer. So is believing, it’s in the name!
Father, I repent from the anticipation that has distracted me from leaning into your promises and has kept me from being present with others. I believe that your promises are greater than my anxieties and burdens. Amen.
I believe each word, breath, and promise of God is true. Do you?