Build me a homeJon Foreman, I am still running
Inside your scars
Build me a home
Inside your song
Build me a home
Inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong
This blog is a bit different in which I am writing it with a dear friend Carly Caroll. We are both Junior Theatre majors at Abilene Christian University, and I thought it would be fun to write one with her and also a creative way to dive into the emotions of the current life of a college student.
These photos, although are so out of the ordinary, just made us realize how few photos we have of just us..so here are some super weird photos with one normal that is cropped out of a class picture (sorry guys).
We have both been reminded recently of our experience in Stanislavsky about a year ago, a class where we studied the technique of this Russian artist. In this class we were challenged with purpose and what that looks like not just as a character but moving forward. One of the things that pushed us to reach this irrational chasing down of our emotions was our wonderful professor Ryan Massie.
Ryan Massie pushed us during exercises, spending about two hours with each of us during class and would shed us down to our most vulnerable selves (that we would allow). One of the things that stuck out to me(Mitchell), was when I was asked “What are you most selfish about?” and then by the end of that session I was in the middle of the floor in the midst of a breakdown by way of screaming and crying. One of the things that stuck out to me(Carly) was the phrasing and completeness of challenging our rational minds through the three weeks of the class. There were moments where I saw myself not allowing myself to feel and then by the end of the class, forcing myself to feel.
Purpose. About a week ago, I (Carly) was reading 2nd Corinthians and this verse has kept me thinking all week:
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.2 Corinthians 4:7-12 ESV
Is our purpose to manifest Jesus into ourselves? Suffer the death so that others don’t have to? Allow suffering to have a consistent role in our lives as believers? So death is at work in us, but life in you.
There are things we go through in order to speak life and speak purpose into others. Yet, we fail to rationalize the joy or the result that comes at the end of the road. I (Carly) read a poem this week that I found has helped me process some things going on, I think it has some relevance to it:
I think about
gets in-Cleo Wade, heart talk
We have to allow for us to feel these “larger than life” emotions so that the magic, the joy, can get in. So that life can enter into our lives and manifest Jesus to others. I (Mitchell) also started diving into this idea earlier this week while I was reading Psalms 4, and it reminded me of another passage:
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.Ephesians 4:26-27 ESV
Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.Psalms 4:4 ESV
BE angry. BE angry and do not sin. We think that is such validation in which we can allow ourselves to feel the irrationality of our own personal dilemmas. No matter how silly or real they may be.
Now, this is not permission to be a pessimist all day long and hating the life. There is a difference between anger and hatred. Yet, we this division gets muddled and crossed way too often. Hatred kills, anger cares.
How do we as believers live with God and wrestle with these emotions? We think it means feeling the way God feels. Choosing to wrestle and be. It’s because of this that we can achieve community and a better understanding of God’s movement in our lives. We cannot push these emotions down and force ourselves into a constant state of joy, that is quite honestly ridiculous. Be emotional. Let others in.
And so. We go on.
Thank you Carly for writing. Keep pursuing God.
On another note..check out what this last week has been for me:
Worked Chili Day for the Kiwanis club of Abilene by way of Gamma Sigma Phi. Served hundreds of pies. Whoa.
Strike after Steel Magnolias run at ACU Theatre, everyone else in the Junior class was in “class”